This whole last week, I have been struggling with a severely TERRIBLE cough! It's been keeping me up at night and I haven't been able to get a wink of peaceful sleep. (Let's just say it's been so bad, that I'd rather wake up to a crying, hungry baby, then have to cough hysterically all night). So it's been WONDERFUL (sarcastically speaking). All in all, yesterday was a bit of a challenge when my little 18 month old decided that she was not going to LISTEN! YUP! Ladies and Gents! She decided she was a big girl and was going to do WHATEVER she could to get what SHE WANTED! Yikes! It was her first ever tantrum, and it wasn't her last. She SCREAMED for almost 10 minutes straight! I honestly froze and didn't know what to do, except to tell her to stop crying, to calm down or go in time-out! (Ok, yes, a little whack on the butt sometimes is needed). So after attempting all of those, I had no choice but to put her in her bed and let her cry it out there. The funny thing is that I was so dumbfounded at how great she played me. I mean she had me going for 10 minutes. After then I realized that I had simply let her take control! Wait, what? did I just say "...I let her take control?" Yes! and it WASN'T good. This mistake surely bit me again, TODAY!
Precisely around the same time (NAP TIME), she starts the water-works, with a little kicking and screaming, some hand swatting and calling out to any family member around. Everyone was supportive of my putting her in time out and she just got even more and more mad. I tried to tell her to calm down, and kept telling her to stop crying so she could come out of time out, but she did the very OPPOSITE! She decided that time out is where she wanted to be, she wanted to scream her head off, and she didn't want me nor anyone else touching her. Even more CONFUSED! I realized that something needed to change.
Now why am I confessing my mommy-failures here on my blog? well 1. because it's my journal, and 2. if any mothers reading find themselves in the same situation, comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
All in all, I learned that sometimes when I'm stressed with other things in my life, my daughter picks up on it, and she knows when to manipulate, yes even at 18 months, she knows how to manipulate. I started to think about am I stern enough? or am I too stern? am I a bad mother? am I even cut out for this? I really do question these things. To know that this isn't even close to what I will someday encounter with my little Zoee or my future children, boggles my mind, and I wonder if I really am doing everything that I can be doing?
Being a Mommy is HARD WORK! It's draining, it's suspenseful, it's adventurous, it's sometimes discouraging; but when I think about the impact I'm making on that little girl, it's AMAZING! I know that there is a reason why I am her mother and she's my daughter, and I hope from this post that people read that I don't hate my child, I'm just a struggling mother who has yet a LOT to learn. I love my daughter very much. She's extremely smart, and extremely bright, and sometimes I don't know how to handle that, but I'm trying! Each and every day!
Confessions of a failed mommy, strike 2!
We shall see what the future holds!
On a good note, she's starting to SING! See Video below!
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