Where I Stand...

In the Doctrine and Covenants, chapter 87 verse 8 it reads:

"Wherefore, stand ye in holy places, and be not moved, until the day of the Lord come; for behold, it cometh quickly, saith the Lord, Amen."

This scripture came to my mind today as I started to contemplate my life, again! I was reading a post on a blog written by one of my cousins, and I couldn't help but totally relate to what she was saying, let alone, most of the time find that I have had the same kinds of feelings and agree with her. Reading her post made me think of my own life, not only as a daughter, sister, wife and or mother, but as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What kind of member am I? and where do I stand? 

I started thinking back to the very beginning of my involvement with the church to now! As crazy as it may seem, I learned that I am still actively converting to this church, but to the gospel, I am converted. I can't speak for anyone, but I can make a pretty good judgement in saying that most LDS members may feel a pressure to be perfect? All in all even though those words are not taught to us directly, I believe that some members, even myself have felt that being a member of the LDS Church means we HAVE to be "Perfect"!

My testimony of this gospel has taken me a while to receive, and I have only received it by the experiences that I have gone through, personally and with my Savior, through trial and error and having faith, and by realizing this simple structure of our church; this structure I have learned is simply this:

First, The LDS church has been organized by our Lord and Savior. He has set it this way for a reason, although I have yet to learn more about that reason, I know it is not merely important to me why and how it is organized, only that I am grateful it IS indeed organized (unorganized things leave me confused). Second, the GOSPEL has NEVER changed! The gospel doctrine, and principles, (including scriptures, teachings, etc.) have not really changed, or have not changed at all drastically, therefore, I have learned that it is constant, and I can count on referring to this whenever I need, and know the surety that it is indeed inspired of the Lord, and or my Father in Heaven. Third, this GOSPEL and CHURCH is PERFECT, the people in this GOSPEL and CHURCH are NOT!

I will be the first to proclaim that I am not perfect, I struggle with MANY things on a daily basis, and always fall short, but the power of the atonement and prayer, and communicating with Father in Heaven has truly been a blessing in saving my soul. 

There was a period of time in my life, when I was single. I looked REALLY good, back then, and not to be boastful, had a lot of "friends" who were interested and gave me lots of attention. I started to feel and think that the whole going to church thing wasn't for me anymore, one because I just didn't feel there was a valid reason to actually "going" to church and two, because of the gossip, or the "Oh my goodness, can you believe who that person is sitting by? aren't they suppose to be on my side?" or "I can't believe that person is taking the sacrament!" or "Can you believe he/she came to church looking like that?" and so on. It was very discouraging, and I started feeling the question "WHY?!" if we are to stand in holy places, let alone come to a holy place (which church is supposed to be), then why are such harsh judgements and crude remarks made? The reason WHY? readers, is simply because WE ARE ALL HUMAN! WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, AND WE ALL JUDGE, whether that judgment is good or bad, we all do it, and we all SIN! and I've learned that attending church is NOT for perfect people, it's for SINNERS, and if we are all honest about it, we are ALL SINNERS! Going back, I started to question my beliefs, but in all honesty, could not shake them off because I knew in my heart that the teachings taught in this church, the scriptures, the principles, were all indeed CORRECT, and TRUE! I couldn't deny it, as much as I wanted to justify my actions with certain things, I really could not find a good enough reason to NOT go to church. That is when I gained a testimony of going to church, for myself, for my own personal growth, and because I love my Heavenly Father and Savior. I also learned that my Heavenly Father continues to bless me daily, and all he has asked is for me to devout just a little time of my week to sit in His house, think about Him, learn about Him, and literally sit with HIM on Sundays. 

Although being a Latter-Day Saint is wonderful it is hard at times. I find myself now thinking, how much easier it is to just stay home and listen to a General Conference talk then take my little toddler to church, watch her eat cheerios, constantly tell her to stop climbing everywhere only to sit in Nursery for the next 2 hours of the whole church meeting, where she most likely will get sick being around some of the sick kids in there (it has already happened TWICE (sad face)). However, EVERYONE with a toddler, or has had a toddler has done it, and even babies need to know that Sunday is when we go to church. My little one year old already knows when it is Sunday, I don't know how she knows, but every Sunday for the last month and a half or so, she will look at me and say, "Good Morning Mommy! Church! Dress! Church Mommy!" 

With that said, I must be doing something right, and it makes me proud to know my little girl understands; and with her understanding, she is a BIG example to me, to keep going! 

I was helping my husband last night study for his test that he is actually taking today! I know he will do well, however, randomly, I realized that I hadn't been to the temple in a while, and I mentioned to him that I really wanted to go this week. We have it planned out for this week to go, and so I'm excited, because, I need to stand in a holy place, and feel peace. Doing the simple tasks, and simple things, by following the teachings of the Savior, and realizing that these words being taught are from the Savior himself, by keeping the commandments, it is only for OUR benefit, it is for OUR well-being, it is for OUR sanity to keep peace and everlasting joy in our lives. 

I really am looking forward to our temple date and being in that holy place once again, to learn, to contemplate, to feel of the love that Father in Heaven not only has for me, but for all His children. I am so grateful for the gospel, and I am so grateful for churches that allow me a place to worship. Even though I may not have many friends at church, nor don't like some people there, I have learned to understand that they have a life, just as busy, and are struggling, but we are all basically there for the same reason, be it expressing not so nice opinions and being the recipient of hearing those things sometimes, we are all there mainly because we are trying to do what Heavenly Father has asked us to do. We are trying to become Perfected in Him! 

I may not be the perfect mormon to the (molly-mormons) and might be too perfect for (jack-mormons). I'm in between, I'm Jane, I'm not perfect, but I hope to become perfect. I make mistakes, yet I know that as I repent, the Lord forgives me, and it is up to me to right the wrongs that I have done and caused. I struggle every day with things, even simple things, but I don't give up. I am me! I have a view of worldly things and a view of spiritual things, and I try not to get those confused with each other. I try to show empathy to all, and to be understanding, for my goal is to be like my elder brother, Jesus Christ. That is where I stand, that is where I want to be, and I can only do that by fulfilling the covenants I have made, and being my best self.