This last month has been storming (not litterally), and with every flash of lightening (trials), there has been one thing after another. During times of struggle and such, the words of the prophets and apostles all come to my mind as clear as crystal. The simple words like "Do NOT spend more than you NEED" or "Do NOT be in debt!" and "Save your money for a rainy day" or "Prepare your 72 hour kit" or anything that has to do with being "PREPARED" always leaves me in despair, because alike 5 virgins, I am indeed NOT prepared. Don't get me wrong, I have been doing all I can to try and be prepared, however it is a constant, on-going process, and I almost feel like what I do, does not make even the slightest difference.
Knowing that struggles help us learn lessons, and lessons help give us different views and perspectives on things, it also makes us stronger and more cautious of how we do things, the next, third, fourth, fifth time around. To that end I'm grateful. It's not big news, nor is it great news, of Havea losing his job. But it is sad and unfortunate because of how much he loved his job and what he did, however, the contract ended, and they let everyone go due to extreme budget cuts. Havea took this as a positive, and is confident of finding work, and I know he will. It's just that period of time that you are trying to find work, and feeling doubt that feel's discouraging.
After seeing this image, I started to really thing about things, and literally had to STOP! I worry myself so much on the 'what if's' or 'should have's' or 'could haves' instead of just being still, and simply breathing. So, finally doing just that, gave me peace. Havea and I have been planning a temple date, so knowing that that is in our plans for next week, will indeed help me feel a little more peace, guaranteed! I know that so many things are out of my hands, but I also think of things that are within my control and start thinking more carefully about the decisions I'm making in hopes that they are leading me towards the right path and in the right direction for my life. Because I worry, I over analyze, and that leads me to pure craziness, so again, grateful that I live so close to a temple and am able to take advantage (although I haven't) of it, I need to more often though.
Seeing this quote made me realize that trial and error are necessary in this life because as I now see it, it is just an alter in our decision patterns to get us on the track we are meant to be on, the path we are meant to walk through, the road to the fulfilling of our life and happiness. I sometimes picture my life as I would like it to be, 20 years from now, and see so many beautiful things, like my husband and I getting older, but having the time of our lives, our children grown and bringing children of their own to my home, where family dinners commence, and conversations are full of laughter, children screaming playful words, babies crying, and me, closing my eyes, engulfed in the love. I do visualize these things and think to myself how great my life WILL be as I choose to follow my Savior and remember that all things will happen in the Lords time, be it for the benefit of my soul. I'm so grateful for the lessons He teaches me, because although I may not always like going through these sticky situations, I learn SO MUCH MORE!
So as Havea and I, job hunt, start school, and keep our focus on our beautiful little girl, we will have a TABLE full of LIFE handed to us, but in the end, we shall say that ALL IS WELL, WE DID IT!, and it was SOOOO WORTH IT!
Life as we know it, constantly changes, but God, He never changes.
The words to my aunty Jolene's song "There is Peace" came to my mind, and I'd like to conclude this entry with her words. It brought peace to my heart, to contemplate these words and know that I can have peace in the struggle, and that I must "...be of good cheer..." (John 16)
There Is Peace
Music and Lyrics by: Jolene Kanahele
With ev'ry troubled soul-
In ev'ry form of loneliness
That you and I have known.
If we but pray for comfort,
The spirit He will send;
To bless us with the strength we'll
need-Endure to the end!
With ev'ry trial that comes our way
We need not stand alone.
Our Heavenly Father's light
Will lead us back home.
He'll take us in His arms,
In his mansion above
And whisper in our hearts
These simple words of love.
There is peace, there is peace
There is peace for you my child-
There is peace.
In my arms, there is peace
I'll hold you through your trials
There is Peace!
*There is peace for you my child,
There Is Peace!
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