Epiphany

Today, I had an epiphany. Rather a realiziation of what I need to do, how I need to approach things, and moving on. For years, I have always beaten myself up over my past and things that I have done. I have always felt myself unworthy of ANYTHING good, and ANYTHING precious, special, lovely, even spiritual. Although I have had many opportunities to repent, each time I have/do, I have always been stuck on that one thing, "Forgiveness" and moreso in myself. I continue to let my past haunt me, my insecurities become fed, when I choose to NOT forgive myself.

A good friend of mine and co-worker, enlightened me on this beautiful thing, she is not a member of the church and yet, she is also Christian. She told me that even though we've made mistakes, God has forgiven us, and if we continue to let something that he has already forgiven haunt us, then what good was it to have repented? She told me, to keep on asking God for forgiveness, is not having faith in Him that he has.

To me although her statement can be taken in SOOO many ways, I sincerely took this as yes. We repent daily and ask God for the things that we have done wrong to be forgiven, yet why do we do things that would keep us to ask for forgiveness. Maybe I'm not saying this entirely right, however, I felt today that my Heavenly Father, has shown me SOOOOO many countless and numerous ways in which he has forgiven me. Those things, just to name a few:

1. I have an amazing relationship with my family
2. I have a Wonderful, God fearing, Hard-Working, Loving Husband, who adores me.
3. I have a Beautiful, Healthy little baby girl, who brings joy and reminds me of His love each and every day
4. I have air to breathe
5. A place to lay my head and live
6. LIFE itself.

My Heavenly Father has done everything to show His love for me, and yet I keep dwelling on what I have done wrong, instead of continuing to make His name proud and do something right, and all the time.

I feel moreso, that forgiveness in myself is starting to settle and my heart of stone is beginning to melt. I am excited and blessed beyond words for the beauty in all of God's creations, in turn exemplify's TRUE, PURE, ETERNAL LOVE.

I am indeed grateful!

I've Learned..

I have learned that crying can be quite theraputic, that using a toothbrush for an eyebrow brush can by amusing to some, and if not that a great idea. I have learned that my fiesty-ness is increasing by the minute, and that my love for my daughter by the moment. I have learned the true importance of relationships and have seen the very best by my husband through his patience and long-suffering of me, and I have finally learned and realized after hearing it a million times, I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

The things we learn everyday, continue to grow within us as we experience situations and apply what was good or bad to the situation. Our reaction and or response to the things that we go through is what shapes our character and ourselves.

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Easter Time :)

Easter is TOMORROW! I can't believe how much time has passed, and how much has happened. Tomorrow will mark the day, but not the date, if that makes sense, of my Hubby Havea receiving his patriarchal blessing from Patriarch Johnson. How special it is to receive our Patriarchal Blessings from worthy men so in-tune with the spirit of our Father in Heaven. I can't even begin to imagine how great that must feel. I had the honor being there when my husband received his blessing for the first time, and was privileged to share with him the beautiful things that were said during his blessing. I am so grateful for the gospel, and I am very grateful for the blessings in which we receive daily. 

Today is the last day that Zo-zo will be 7 months. She is truly growing sooo fast, and I can't even begin to say how much more smarter and how much more beautiful she becomes. I am excited to dress her up and to see her around her little cousins for the first time (Thompsons, Holdcrafts and Morenos) and see all the kids as they eat, play, hunt for eggs, etc. It truly will be such a sight and so fun to see her react.

I truly can't hold back the feelings and express that this last year, marking the date of Easter, has helped me reflect on the beauties of the atonement, and the love my Savior has for me. I am so grateful for the chance to change, and the reminder we have that change is needed and is possible :) 

Life is truly teaching me the greatest lessons any woman could experience. I just feel so blessed and so privileged to be learning them at this time.

Beautiful Spirits...

It's OFFICIAL :)

I'M PREGNANT!!

with baby #2 :)

Honestly, it almost feels like it was just yesterday that I gave birth to Zoee (our eldest daughter) and held her in my arms. So small and so beautiful she was, and how much more beautiful she is now and becoming :)

Zoee on the day she was born, monday, August 8, 2011

Zoee, 7 months, March 31, 2011

I can't beleive how fast time is going and just how fast my litle baby girl is actually becoming a LITTLE GIRL. Zoee has brought so much love and joy to our lives, and we're so grateful that she is the first child and that she is the very one who will be the example for her younger siblings.

After having Zoee, and now being pregnant again with our second baby, I have realized just how much Heavnely Father loves me, and just how aware He is of the things that we need in our lives. I cannot even count on a million hands how much love Zoee brings to Havea and I. We are sooooooo blessed and privilidged to be responsible for such a beautiful spirit.

With the adventure of being pregnant again this time around, I have definitely seen things different and opposite from my pregnancy with Zoee. It's funny to say, but I have a feeling this baby may be a boy. I may be wrong, I may be right, but whomever the Lord feels He would like to come down at the time, with open arms Havea and I will be grateful and soooo excited :)

Starting a family is a lot of work, and I know the load will continue to get bigger, but I am so grateful for the gospel and for the guidelines it gives us to rear our children in a way that is pleasing to our Father in Heaven, and the guidelines that will not only help them but help me as a mother. I see me bring pregnant again is a whole new experience a whole new adventure, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother again.

I love my family so very much and pray that I will be the mother I know Heavenly Father knows I can be, and the mother I want to be to my children.

So grateful for this opportunity to have more learning and growing experiences :)

Don't Judge Me.......

The word's of President Uchtdorf's message left a great impact on my heart as he explained the message of a bumper sticker that read:

"Don't judge me...

...because I sin differently than you"

I couldn't help but remember these words for they engraved themselves on my heart that I could not believe that the answer to many prayers were apparent within these words.

For many years, I have struggled with so many people, and have struggled because I let the things they say, the things they do, GET to me. I have in desperate times, often cried and asked the Lord, "why me?" or simply "why them?" I am somewhat uncomfortable admitting my weaknesses, but I feel that only admitting them will help me overcome them. I have been jealous, mean, rude, a smart-allec, unkind, judgmental, wanting pity, selfish, and negative. Having these things in my life and realizing that I have had these feelings or have done these actions made me think, "can having these things in my life make me happy?" the answer is simply "NO"

President Uchtdorf mentioned other things as well and said "if we have any of these feelings or participate in any of these things..." he urged us to

"STOP IT!"

To stop these things from letting them get the best of us, the best of our kindness, the best of our good judgment, the best of what we know we can be, and the best of who we KNOW we are. We are children of our Heavenly Father who indeed has a mission and a will for us, to accomplish His work and be partakers of the blessings that come from choosing the right. A Father in Heaven who cares, knows and loves us deeply and hurts when we hurt, and comforts when we need comfort. In order to feel of His comfort and peace, I have had to let Heavenly Father help me get over the things I have been feelings and recognize the real reason for my anger and realize the anger was simply being hurt. I hope and pray with all of my heart that I will be a strong example of forgiveness to my children and generations to come that they may know that the Lord can heal, can strengthen and make new any person willing to subject to the will of the Lord. 

I am grateful for this conference and for the beautiful words in which I have heard to help me make anew the things that I need to, to have a better understanding of the Lord's will for me, and to go forth and live up to the values that I have been taught and given. 

Sisters...

I know that I have probably posted about this subject before, however I feel so strongly to write about it again. I have been blessed with such wonderful sisters. I have two blood sisters, Whitney and Rachel and so many adoptive sisters, (too many to name). Call me selfish, but I have always, always wanted a best friend, someome to talk to when times were tough, someone to listen to when their lives were hard. Someone to comfort me. For the most part, I never realized that my Sisters have always been there.

Last night, my Sister Whitney and I were out and about getting items to make for dinner. Even though for the last four year we have not been close, we have not shared experiences, she KNOWS me better than ANYONE, because she's my sister.

"Sisters are a gift to the heart

a friend to the spirit

a golden thread to the meaning of life"

Isadora James

My sister was talking about some things that have/or are currently going on in her life, and I couldn't help but think of my past and how back then her situation now was/is so similar to mine back then. I couldn't help myself to forget or even put behind me what has happened, however the feelings of hurt, relation or anger started to stir in me, and she pointed out to me that I was not happy. Being hard to admitt, she was very right. She pointed out that I was not allotted the healing time I needed to get over the things that I had done, but rather made beautiful and great choices in my life that would bring anyone happiness, however because I had not healed from previous experiences I didn't even know how to fully enjoy the beautiful and good choices I have made thus far because I am so broken from my past. After a good talk with my husband and expressing to him my feelings, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and he reminded me of the love he has for me and for our future and family. He is truly the best man and the only man I have ever truly loved and will love for the rest of my life and all eternity. He is the first good choice that I have ever made in my life, and how grateful I am to have him.

I can't tell you that by the simple things she had said, with not even having a moment like this in the last four years, she hit the spot on my feelings dead-on with every single thing she said. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father loved/loves me enough to send a woman like her into my life, to be there for me, to remind me, to mourn with me, to listen, to converse, to nurture, I am just so grrateful for her and for the love that she showed me last night. I am so grateful for her and to have her back home, reunited with our famliy and more herself again.

I thank my Heavenly Father for my sister, and for her reminding me of the good things that I have done, and tells me to forget the bad things. Even though I am older, her words of wisdom brought the most comfort to me than I have felt for a long time.

I love my sisters...

Rachel, Whitney and Me