I say this, because this is the song I heard while I was dreaming!
It's a beautiful feeling when you wake up remembering the dream you just had. I have found my dreams to be a source of inspiration from Heavenly Father, of course only the good ones. Most of my dreams have always consisted of things that I need to change in my life, improve upon, something that was or may be coming and I would be faced with, kind of like a warning. Gratefully, I have been able to recognize that these dreams are simply Heavenly Father's way of communicating with me. I truly believe that with all my heart.
As a background, I started to remember what yesterday was, and why I had the dream I did, and I quickly realized just now, that yesterday (April 25) marks the one year anniversary that I miscarried our second child. Why would I remember such a thing? to be honest, it is just very hard for me to forget; and I have been sad about it since. I have had other joys this past year to leave me happy and focus on, but the pain of losing a child, and thinking you're the cause for this child to not develop, to grow, was and is indeed heartbreaking for me to comprehend; amongst a lot of things, I have not forgiven myself about this, I felt broken. I also felt that if I forget this experience, it is almost like forgetting that I even had a child. Even though this child was not born physically to us, it still was given life inside of me and was given the opportunity to be apart of our family. Although this may be hard for some people to understand, I feel that one can only be given the right to feel how they must.
Havea and I were truly excited for this new baby, yet scared all at the same time. When complications started to arise, and through the miscarriage of our baby last year, the thoughts of having another baby have always been in our minds because we wanted to, as parents, give this child another opportunity to return to us, and we felt that Heavenly Father needed them for a while longer. To make myself feel a little better, I thought up this story in my mind, which I will share in a later post; but I want to continue on with my dream.
Last night, I dreamt that I was a little older than I am now, probably around my late 20's entering my early 30's. I hadn't had any children after Zoee, and Zoee was 8 years old. Some of the facts that I KNEW for sure in my dream, were:
1. My husband and I were in Utah for General Conference
2. There were sections of the conference center that had these very comfortable red chairs.
3. I looked a lot better physically (this was a plus)
While I knew these things, I was in a secluded area of the conference center. Sitting and waiting patiently, and I was calm. I knew Havea and Zoee were sitting listening to the messages, and I could hear, yet it was muffled. All of the sudden, I could see that I was left alone. I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel frightened, it was like there was a special balcony area of conference that was reserved special for just me.
Within a couple of minutes, waiting there, this polynesian man, kind of short with curly black hair, dressed in a white suite, like the men who dress at the temple, placed in my arms a newborn infant child, a little boy. He was wrapped in a pure white blanket, and it seemed to have glowed. This little boy looked so much like my husband Havea, and has a lot of his features and was just pure beautiful. At that very moment, I held this baby, and I never let him go. He was given to me especially. I knew he was mine, forever.
Not knowing everything is simply having faith. I know that Heavenly Father will bless our family again with more children, and I hope to be the best mother, and candidate for special spirits, after all, he did entrust me with this special little girl Zoee, who helps me view life in beautiful ways. I feel my life changing, I feel the spirit more, and although I am not perfect, I know that my trying harder to be a little better, is surely all my Father in Heaven expects of me. I am grateful for this dream, the comfort it has provided me, and the beauty I experienced in that sacred and beautiful place.
No comments:
Post a Comment