Moments

Moments define a measure of time in which things may or may not happen. Sometimes the unexpected, sometimes expected, whichever it is a moment can depict a change. Big or small, more or less.

18 months ago, I experienced a moment that would change my life in so many ways. It would encourage my adulthood to validate itself in knowing that what was about to happen, what was going to happen, and in present tense, what did happen, opened my view, I could see a more panoramic view of what my life would entail. What things to change, what to bring in, what to get rid of, let go. What things were going to be ok? What things were not? How would I act? How did I even qualify to get this far in my life?

So many questions?

On Monday, August 8th, 2011, 5:23am, my life changed drastically! I don't mean horrifying, I mean the biggest change was about to make history for me. I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, loving baby girl, whom we call, Zoee. In one moment I was a wife, the next, simply a wife and mother. Mother. I couldn't believe that someone like me now had that title. I have always dreamed of having a big family, a husband who goes to work, while I play house and mind the house chores, take care of the children, I seriously imagined 10 kids! Others may call me crazy, but that's what I wanted. Zoee has brought so much to my life in so many ways, and I know that in other moments she will change me for the better.

It's been a rough 18 months for me, more so overwhelming. Being responsible for a child, your own, is a moment I have to believe that no one is every fully prepared for. We can nurture them, clothe them, soothe them, LOVE them. But how that affects us in the very "moment" is beyond what words can describe. The most overwhelming part of it is, is knowing that I am responsible for this little girl, I'm responsible for eternal progression in this life, I am responsible for making sure she is a kind, loving, decent person. I am responsible for her happiness. So when does that stop? when do we start treating them like adults? when do we simply stop providing for their happiness and guide them to seeking their own? my answer, as mothers, we don't!

Being a mother has helped me see things differently, more than I ever could. Heavenly Father blessed me at this time with such and extraordinary spirit and beauty. He has indeed entrusted me with her spirit, her life, her heart. I am so grateful for the moment that has changed me, and even though I am slowly catching up with fully understanding the meaning behind God's tender mercies, I probably won't ever know the full extent until I have that talk with Him above some day.

Happy 1&1/2 Birthday my Lovely Zoee! YOU are extraordinary. I could not be more proud, more humbled, and more thrilled!

Father Of My Children

Alarm goes off, snooze button pushed. I lie in bed with eyes half opened, wondering what I will make my husband for lunch today. Gratefully, his attitude of gratitude greets me with a "Good Morning Baby" followed by a good morning kiss. The first thing on my mind - like mentioned before - is followed by a verbal question, "Honey, what would you like for lunch today?" He grins and smiles, and says, a couple of PB&J's will do, and maybe a meat sandwich? I smile, and answer, of course. I get out of my warm bed to feel the breeze of coolness resting upon my skin. As the chills creep up my arms, I get the strength to get out of bed and start yet this morning routine. Before I leave our room, I check on Zoee making sure she is warm, only to find as I do every morning, she has kicked all the blankets off of her; she's our hot-blooded little girl. I cover her back up and make my way down the stairs to find the ingredients I need to start making lunches. I pull out my bread, spread on the peanut butter, spread on the jam, gather some meat and bag it, lettuce and bag it, cheese and bag it, and all the sandwiches are prepared. Pack him a crunch snack, his new favorite, wheat thins, the zesty hot salsa flavor, and send him off to work with a prayer and goodbye kiss.

My heart aches most mornings when I, a wife, cannot come up with anything better than a PB&J sandwich for my husband, although other things I suggest to him aren't appetizing to him, and he'd rather take the PB&J, I just feel terrible. Though, day after day, my husband continues to smile, continues to thank me and works hard to provide for our family.

Earthly Father, Heavenly Father

I watched this video, Earthly Father, Heavenly Father. Watching this touched my heart, as I started to contemplate things that my husband thinks about, does, etc. I'm so grateful to him for his hard work, for his love for me, our daughter and our growing family. I have to admit most times, I forget what he goes through, what he thinks about, what he worries about, what he feels, and loose sight of the very man he is. He is truly a wonderful example of Heavenly Father's love, and I feel that every day. Although I know personally that he feel inadequate most times, he is so much stronger and so much like our Father in Heaven then he realizes.

Friday of last week, he decided to take a day off and spend it with us. We were excited to have some time with daddy, and even though when day's off are rare, I always think of things that we can get done, instead of taking moments and creating memories. It is a womanly instinct that I have tried to bridle and tried to set aside when just being together and making memories of fun, love and laughter are  what's most important. So, Friday, we got up early, got ready, and figured we'd grab some loose change or quarters in case we ran into a little ride machine for Zoee. So, with us on our way for our family filled day, we decided to drive through for daddy's favorite breakfast, Hardee's Biscuits! We enjoyed them as we haven't had them in a long while, and the taste of them was worth the cheat! :) Zoee thoroughly enjoyed hers. So happy breakfast. Next we went to Home Depot to look for some things for the yard, as my hubby is in charge of designing and getting the back yard cleaned up and landscaped. We decided to go to a movie but needed to kill some time, so we drove along Palomar Airport Road and decided to go to a park. We asked Siri to search for parks near us, on our iPhones, and it led us to the Leo Carillo Ranch. It was an old hacienda/ranch and had lots of Peacocks. We were so excited! I love going to historical places, and seeing history, feeling history, breathing history. It's amazing! Zoee loved walking the little trail around, seeing the peacocks which she calls "BIG BIRDS". We got some pictures of her, and they were cute! :) She had her Dora the Explorer shirt on, so it fit perfect for where we were :) She felt like she was on an adventure.

After visiting the Ranch, we took a drive to San Marcos and got an ice cream cone! Zoee LOVES ice cream! We got her some strawberry ice cream! and Daddy even won her a bright green ball in the claw machine. She was so excited! We decided to skip the movie, and we then continued on driving. So we went to the mall to the North County Fair mall to get won over by the cute little pets at the pet store. We love walking through the pet store and seeing all the cute little puppies, bunnies and such. There was an Akita we loved seeing so much! So beautiful, such a beautiful dog. She looked at Zoee through the glass and it was like they made a connection. It was beautiful. Sadly, we couldn't take the doggie home, :(( but hopefully one day, we will be able to bring one home to a nice, new yard! :) So, maybe just maybe, I'm thinking about Zoee's 2nd Birthday! We shall see!! :)))

After leaving the mall, we headed out to Dixon Lake in Escondido. It was nice seeing the lake and feeling the peace that lake brought. I had nothing but relaxing thoughts, emotions in me. Zoee played on the little playground and had a great time. We really got her tired for the day. Soon, we left. On our way home, we were driving on the 78 heading west. Right off of the Vista Village Drive Off ramp to the 78 west, Havea spotted a woman broken down on the side of the road. We passed them, and even though I didn't seem them at all, Havea said, "should I turn around and help that woman?" and not that it was a question like the typical "should I?" it was more, like asking me if it was ok? of course I agreed! and we made our way to turn around. We got to the woman, she looked as if she was in her early 70s and she has a little boy with her, probably around the age of 7, his name was Carlos. We later learned her name was Consuelo. Havea got out of the car offering her help. You could tell she was in deep gratitude for his help. Her little grandson Carlos was very excited to see Havea and his stature. I can only imagine myself in that little boy, seeing my husband as Nephi! :)) at least that is what I like to see my husband as! Tall, handsome, strong and wonderful. The jack that this lady had was too tall, so Havea lifted the car, and the little boys eyes got bigger than I've seen a child's get on Christmas day! He was so amazed that Havea was lifting the car, and couldn't believe it. It was a Miracle, and even though I know that my husband is strong, and even though, I know he can accomplish things that require lots of strength, I literally saw him a man of God, and knew that he was being strengthened by the priesthood power.

As he later changed the tire and put the spare on this woman's car, we followed her to a gas station to to put air in her tires. That is what the change we brought came in handy for! See? The Lord inspires us, and if we listen, we are given the opportunities to do His work. The woman came up to me asking me if I spoke spanish, and I sadly said no. But in simple words she said she had no money to pay us, and I wanted to cry, because we did not expect ANYTHING in return, we simply wanted to help. So with my hands, I brought them up to my heart, and said, NO! NO! do not worry, we want to give (motioning from my heart to hers) you this. We do not need anything. The little boy, her grandson translated what I had said, and the woman started crying. My heart went out to her. She was so indeed grateful and called us her angels sent from God. It was seriously the perfect ending to our fun filled day. Ending our family day helping another in need was the best thing that could have happened to our family. Even though Zoee didn't fully understand anything that was going on, someday she will know, and someday she will understand, just how Extraordinary her Father is! I'm so grateful for a man who holds this gift of the Priesthood Power and practices it in every opportunity he is given, in big and small ways. Although he is knew to this, and knew to many things, he is so experienced in knowing how fathers love, how men are to be men, how a son shows his appreciation for His Father in Heaven.

I am married to the most wonderful man!

Leo Carillo Ranch Pool 

Leo Carillo Ranch Side Walk Way up to Ellie's House

Leo Carillo Ranch Main House

Leo Carillo Ranch UnEven Staircase up along the Main House

Zoee Looking at the Main House from the back lawn

Zoee sitting on a Rock Wall

Zoee sitting in the Horse Stables

Zoee wondering why we have to take a picture

She was SO CUTE!

So amazed at the Dirt Road! She felt like she was on Dora!

Open Faced Baked Sandwich!

Here is the recipe for the opened faced sandwich I was telling everyone about on Facebook! It is SOOO EASY to make and you can add literally whatever you want on it! It's also Weight Watchers Friendly and works it's way at just 5 points! WOW! (I deeply apologize for not having any pictures, as I was so hungry that I ate it all before I realized to take a picture). 

What You Will Need:

Bread

Tomatoes

Red Onions (I prefer red on this sandwich)

Olive Oil

Feta Cheese

Mozzarella Cheese (I cubed them before, but shredded or sliced works just as great)

Mayo (You can use Light if you'd like) or NO mayo at all, mustard is a good alternative

anyway, drizzle some olive oil on a foiled backing sheet, spread with fingers until the whole pan is coated.

place bread with a light spread of mayo onto the pan, with the mayo side faced up. 

take tomatoes and slice as thick as you want and place them on the mayo side of the bread

sprinkle some crumbled feta cheese on top of the tomatoes, kind of gives this a little salty flavor. 

Slice the onions and lightly grill in a pan with a little olive oil. After grilled, place onions on top of tomatoes and feta cheese. 

Then, place mozzarella cheese cubes or slices on top of the onions. 

Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until the bread it slightly toasted and cheese is melted. 

Bon Apetite! 

Fruits and Veggies are 0 points! Awesome right? So the bread we use amounts to 3 points per slice, and with the amount of cheese and light spread of mayo we used, only totaled to another 2 points. YUM! 

top this off with a side salad and lemon squeeze or even more rich tasting veggies and you got yourself an awesome lunch for only 5 points! 

YAY! 

Another Monday

There will always be many cases of the "Mondays" ahead, but for me, sometimes they are the worst. So to turn this frowny Monday into a smiley one, I had to excuse my friend selfish and invite my friend humility to come today. Even though I'm posting this Tuesday, a little late (lol), I felt it was important to finish this post and publish.

Well Morning routine, got up with my love to make him breakfast and fix his lunch for the day. He loves PB&Js for snack time so I had it pretty easy this morning, and more so because his lunch was already cooked and packed to go :) hubby leaves 2 1/2 hours earlier so he can get some gym time, shower and off to work. He likes going before hand because it helps him feel more refreshed, and he likes going because when he's off work, he just knows himself too well to be so tired afterwards. Anyway, supporting his decision to go, is huge, and I'm happy he's doing something for himself to make himself feel better, after all, I reap the benefits :) I still think he's the sexiest man ever! :)

After hubby was gone and off for the day, I checked baby girl. Her diaper, pretty soaked, as I knew would probably be, being that she has her nightly dose per say. (We are still trying to wean her from formula and a bottle) but as parents of a very smart and intelligent little girl, it's not easy to convince her wise mind. So changing her diaper, while she was still sleeping I crept in another smaller "dose" and she fell right back asleep :) score!

So by this time it's about 5am and with me wide awake, (unbelievably) I couldn't help but change my attitude and actually try to take advantage of my options here, being a stay at home mom. So, baby is sill sleeping and knocked out, oh my goodness? I should SHOWER! And its totally before 11am!!! Epiphany! Embarrassing I know, but lately because of this cold weather (at least for the west coast, San Diego in particular) warm beds are meant for staying in, if you can, for as long as you can. It's just the general stay at home mommy rule, I mean, haven't you ever been told the new mommy rule!? "now there young lady, you sleep when your baby sleeps" so in some senses immaturely, I have carried that saying all the way to my almost 1&1/2 year old, embarrassing but true. So, I kicked that aside and took advantage of the situation of me 1st being wide awake at such an hour! (Crazy) and 2nd I could have a peaceful shower and not worry about Zoee, or anyone having to watch her, cause she was sound asleep, right down the hall, with the door open enough for me to hear her for the "just in case" :)

I got ready and refreshed, feeling pretty good at 530/6am in the morning. I even was able to squeeze in some Greys Anatomy! LOL! All in all, around 715am, I made the decision that I was going to keep this morning routine because, for my own sanity and for my daughter, we needed to finally be on a schedule. So I woke her up with the new rule, we were to be up by 725 (well I need to be showered and ready for the day, Zoee just up and diaper changed) and downstairs for breakfast.

When 8am rolled around, Zoee got her morning shower and we got her ready for the day. She was thrilled and I believe even more cooperative, cause this was a change for her, being that she didn't have to wake mommy up this time. Although some would find this embarrassing to admit, I find it normal, real and honest. Anyway.. We got ready, oiled up (side note: I have been using DoTerra Oils on Zoee because 1) They are wonderful oils that help and CURE anything NATURALLY! 2) They smell SOOOOO Good 3) All in all Zoee has maintained her health really well and I am a true believer!).

Between that time and 10am we managed to get the room cleaned, watch some Elmo and some Dora, sing the Alphabet song, mommy got the loads of laundry downstairs, sorted and cycling through.

After which snack time followed by Zoee being more hungry and needing lunch, that time came around a lot faster then I had realized. She got cleaned up, played with her baby dolls and lined them in a row to watch yet, more Dora, and more Elmo.

Time was simply passing by and the energy I felt was more than I thought I had ever. It was a sense of mommy power in my opinion, that helped me be grateful for the joy I received in simply, making a choice, sticking with it and moving forward.

Zoees experience with mommy was a true success and I know that she feels glad to be on a schedule. I mean my mother and friends who have had children have ALWAYS said that being on a schedule, though it be hard at first, only benefits us later. Within the first day, my joy was noticing that life happens, and there are just some situations we can't help, but, we can help other situations, and make changes to experience more joy, more peace.

With my breakdown the previous Friday and with my attitude to actively change, I know that there will be those breakdowns occasionally, I will go through many "dark ages" in my life, however if I continue to just turn this bad case of the Mondays into another beautiful day of living, my heart feels peace, my mind is inspired, and my family is happy!

Definitely not a bad Monday at all!

Progress

It was a good morning. Although going to bed late last night did not help my body feel fully rested, I was even more grateful that I woke up with a full functioning right leg. My lower back and right leg (as of now, used to be my left) has been bothering me the last 3 weeks, and with icing, hot tub relaxation, stretching, surprisingly, even some of those activities can be a little much sometimes.. Having a toddler is even more difficult because they are so active, and when mommy is not as active it's not as fun for them. Well I am just grateful that I could walk without a limp today was progress and something I was absolutely grateful for. Funny thing if its not one thing, it's another, so while now having a functioning leg, I am now struck with a slight fever/cold. But I'm not letting that fully stop me because just being able to walk right and more comfortably is allowing me to get done what I have been putting off for weeks. So I'm sweating it out, but definitely taking a nap break, not to worry.

In between laundry, folding clothes, organizing, putting things away, paying bills, preparing lunches, just the calmness I feel being at home today gives me comfort and gratitude for a beautiful day, and for beautiful blessings given to me throughout the day. I put on pandora a hymns of worship station and trying to teach Zoee some quiet time. It doesn't really work, but it helps mommy stay calm. :) lol! She's such a joy and a beautiful baby with such a beautiful spirit! I know that as a first time mother, a lot of things are different, new and hard to understand, but I'm grateful that Heavenly Father sent her to me, she teaches me so much everyday! Everyday is progress, sometimes we fall behind, but all in all to know that there's a tomorrow or even another minute to change what happened prior is huge! Being a mother helps me progress in humility, and knowing what my purpose is in this life.

I also have to express how grateful I am for my husband, for his constant progression and efforts in providing for our family. For loving us unconditionally. I could not have been more blessed with a better man! He is truly the man of my heart and makes me feel like a queen! I know that marriage is progression, and even though there are down times, I have realized that those experiences are given to help humble us to be more understanding of the other person, our husband or wife. So I am looking at my situation more and more, that if I'm frustrated, I may always or sometimes have a valid point for being frustrated, but it's more so because I needed to be humbled. I have learned that marriage is a progression of reaching and achieving goals, giving genuine support and love.

It's a great day! I can't wait to see my lover when he comes home!! :)

25!

445am, the clock sounded the alarm. Funny how those numbers play even in my dreams sometimes. But knowing that I needed to get up was my goal and start to get my hubby off to work. With it being so cold, staying under the covers seemed so much more fun then getting up and heading down stairs to the cold kitchen. But it was thus my desire to do so, as I have enjoyed waking up with my hubby and helping him get off to work :) 

Well I thought my hubby pressed snooze and to my surprise he actually just turned it off. He came and snuggled me close and I must have fallen asleep in his arms being that he was extra warm :) So, an hour later - thinking it was only a couple minutes passed since I closed my eyes, it was indeed 545! Oh my goodness! I looked over to see him already with Zoee, changing her diaper, had her bottle ready and everything set for me to continue sleeping in. He put Zoee in my arms as I snuggled her in the warm blankets, handed her her bottle, and knelt down as he offered our morning family prayer. He kissed us both before he left, wished me a happy birthday and continued on to his day at work. Best ever husband I tell you! 

The day went on and Zoee was being a little difficult with the back to sleep part, so, she entertained herself by playing with her "bear" and "dora" stuffed animals and dolls. Managed to climb and get into my purse playing with my make-up brushes saying "peedy" (pretty). I woke up just in time as she was trying to climb up her shelf to get into more drawers that she could explore. This little girl, I tell you, she's quite the explorer! :) (Thank you DORA the EXPLORER!). As I awoke, she said "MOMMY!?! EAT?" which is her phrase for EVERY morning now. So I got dressed and as I was, "Papa-to-the-rescue!" came and grabbed Zoee and fed her! Thank you, Thank you! 

As I made my way downstairs, she was just finishing up some cereal and fruit, and ran around the house with her little jumping run, happy and fresh! Everyone wished me a happy birthday and hugged me, and just being with my family, made it special. In little moments, I stepped back from myself and just evaluated the gratitude that I have for my family, though we may not have a lot, we have each other, and love for each other. My family has given me the greatest gifts all year for my birthday, indeed taking my family, Havea, Zoee and I into their home, allowing us to stay there, and more so, just loving us, taking care of us, being mindful of us, caring for us, like any parent would do for their child. I'm just so grateful for their examples, for their love, and for them always being there and helping us. Truly the greatest gift to me has been being born into this wonderful family. 

I didn't have any other picture of all of us together, so this one will have to do for now

Later on, I was greeted by countless people, family and friends who wished me love and happy birthdays on Facebook and Text! I felt extremely special and didn't realize how many people really do care and like me! Honestly, I just have felt that a lot of things have changed in my life, and I know in some ways I have changed. I'm not as social, or vibrant and talkative as I used to be, and so I felt that a lot of my friendships with people have faded, but I was wrong, I was indeed overwhelmed with love from everyones comments and posts! Thank you! 

I was able to talk to a dear friend of mine since childhood! Meghan! We've been friends since the early, early 90s! and it was WONDERFUL chatting with her! She is like another sister to me! 

Me and Meghan!

After that I got ready and had a birthday lunch with my girls! My Mom, Whitney, Rachel, Felila and Zoee! My sister Rachel treated us all out to Spiritos! Now if you haven't been to Spiritos, you are MISSING OUT on the absolute BEST Italian food EVER! I'm telling you! OUT OF THIS WORLD! Super friendly environment, you feel like family, just all around pure awesomeness! :) 

After that much needed and wonderful meal, we headed back home to rest our tummies. I lounged and didn't do very much as I planned to, and honestly I don't know what I did after that, however before I knew it, Havea was on his way home. He came through the door and started to make his way to get ready as him and Zoee were taking me to dinner! We went to my favorite! PF CHANGS! I LOVE PF CHANGS, their dessert, not so great, but their food! I just LOVE IT! 

Zoee was being good, which has been rare, but she's getting better being out in public now! I mean she's just so darn smart and picks up things so fast, this time she's learned biting, which indeed was NOT from any of us here at home, and preschool has some new pointers for toddler life, and not to mention, she learned the whine cry, and......... the shouting NO! Oh my goodness! But thank goodness for daddy, cause he has her in control! He says something once, she'll maybe try it one more time, but after that it's behavior switch on! She listens to daddy! :)

Anyway, we get to our table and here is what we got! Bon Apetit! 

I Just LOVE PF CHANGS!!

Zoee looking at her menu! She wanted the big one, cause she's a big girl! LOL

Mommy? Maybe this one??

Zoee ordering her meal in baby-talk! :) She wanted chicken with sweet and sour dipping sauce! 

She wanted to color! When she saw this, she immediately said "CAT" and "MEOW"

THE HOTTIE next to Me! I'm so lucky! 

Zoee's food! 

Hubby's Food! Sesame Chicken

My FAVORITE! Shrimp with HoneyDew Melon and Candied Walnuts in a beautiful soft cream coconut sauce! MMMM!!! I'm spoiled and I know it! :0)

After we dined and had a wonderful dinner! Hubby and Zoee treated me to my absolute favorite dessert! TGIFriday's Vanilla Bean, White Chocolate CheeseCake! 

SERIOUSLY! THIS IS THE WAY TO TURN 25! 

Baby Girl Is Grown!

Today was a beautiful day! I woke up got my hubby off to work and as he helped me this morning (like he does every morning) get Zoee settled and taken care of so early, it truly made me so grateful for him and for all that he does for me and Zoee. (Awe* precious husband moment). It was even more exciting this morning, because even though Zoee didn't quite know, I knew we would be going to Mommy-&-Me Preschool!

Even though I got our stuff ready, I still managed to show up to her school on "Jane-Time" LOL! Someday I will be on time and make it a habit! :) someday...

We entered her preschool and had an awesome day! She played, had story time did an art project, met some new friends, and was at the park! She seriously couldn't have been happier!

After that we had lunch with her Aunty Felila, Aunty Whitney and Aunt Rachel at Teri's Cafe for Felilas birthday! :) she enjoyed her lunch and ate it all :)

It was a wonderful eventful day and Ben though I have to cut this post short cause
I'm falling asleep, will resume tomorrow :)